i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
