She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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