Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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