I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
