she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
