I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize