Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
