he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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