How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
