Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
