your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
