I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
