Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
