Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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