White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
