I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
