I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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