We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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