Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
