HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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