So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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