I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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