when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I intend to get homeless drunk
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
