I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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