haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
