Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
