There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
