i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
