I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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