Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
