He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
