just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
