TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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