We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
