I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
