This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
