You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
