are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
