I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
