I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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