she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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