the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
