You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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