it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I checked into jail on foursquare
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
