I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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