I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
