Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
