Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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