the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
