I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
