Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
