Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
