NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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