If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
