No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
