there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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