i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
