why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize