just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
