I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
