Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
