He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
