dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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