Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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